So, there I was in High School and I had just added going out on dates with women my own age. I mention my own age because I was later to learn that dating women older than me had several different dynamics. Females that were younger than me I didn’t feel any attraction toward.
I mentioned in my last writing my attraction for Toni. Somehow this game we had about considering dating but never doing so continued over several years. It seemed like a game on her part but for me it was a torture and I had headaches all the time. Fortunately, I had politics to focus on but it was unfortunate the issues in politics remained the same. I learned that the ego was a bargaining tool, something I cynically used more of as I got older. And that finding out the want of others was a way to pay for the programs I didn’t have the funds for.
My dating was mostly disastrous as I kept up a wall between us as I was not allowing myself the time to date. So, we would have a fun date and then I pulled back because I was scared of getting involved. Part of it was how new dating was to me, some of it was I the devotion I had for politics, and some of it was the focus I had regarding my self as I moved away from academics. I was shy and quiet and hid it, often acting loud and outlandish instead.