Neurotic Man Goes to a Convention

This Neurotic Man is awfully cheap.  I say it with great pride and great conviction.  I don’t think there is any correlation between my neurosis and my cheapness but who knows?  Perhaps one day I’ll be the subject of a study proving the correlation.  It’s fine with me as long as they throw in fifty bucks.

Meanwhile, while I wait for the mother lode of psychiatric studies to occur, I’ll stay sharp on my lookout for free stuff.  When I saw in the papes it was time for political conventions I thought why not?  I didn’t care which one I went to, I’m open that way, and whoring myself for food seems like a natural thing to do.

And I thought it would be great fun – a bunch of cheering and a bunch of booing and wearing funny hats and carrying signs that I didn’t have a clue to their meaning – it sounds like great fun.  I was a bit annoyed that there were only two conventions to choose from – the smaller conventions seemed like BYOB, and that is definitely not the way to get my vote.

Neurotic Man

Neurotic Man

I was thinking of starting my own sub-party group centered on being a Neurotic Man but I was a bit worried that one of the wack-os attending the convention would attempt to harm me.  Make love, not war is my motto. I’m kind of a throwback John Lennon hippie type without the talent and certainly without an old lady that really seems like an old lady.  (I’m a Neurotic Man, not necessarily a nice man.)

Neurotic Man

Neurotic Man

I didn’t have a clue as to how to become a delegate so I studied.

“If you’re a liberal Democrat, and you’re a black lesbian militant with a Spanish surname, the Democrats’ convention rules are written for you.  If you are a conservative — Democrat or Republican — chances are you’ll have to work hard to win a seat on your state’s national convention delegation.”

“Each state has its own rules for national convention delegate selection.  States may and often do change their state laws and party rules between national conventions.”

“Under their national rules and U. S. Supreme Court decisions, state Democratic parties may adopt rules for national convention delegate selection which are inconsistent with state laws.  The national Rules of the Republican Party now also provide that state Republican Party rules for national delegate selection prevail over state law on this subject.”

“Most delegates are elected in states with primaries, but primary and convention rules vary greatly from state to state.  Learning your state’s applicable laws and party rules is a key, first step toward becoming a delegate.”

“If your state is one of the many which have no presidential primary, you may have to mount a major operation to attract people to a caucus or win support from local delegates to a district or state convention.”

“If you already know how to draw a crowd, work a convention, use parliamentary procedure, form alliances, and count votes, you have a head start on the road to the Big Convention.”

“If your state elects delegates in a presidential primary, your problems will be somewhat different.”

“A primary can involve precinct organization, TV, radio, mailings, other advertising, social media, a great deal of money, and many, many more people than a convention.”

“It helps to be an expert at convention politics and primary election politics, but your personal reputation and your candidate preference are likely to prove much more important.”

What a bother just for a few drinks and a couple of snacks.  I can get Mr. Ferlinghetti at the grocery store to donate a bag of chips and contribute the drinks I like. On a whim I can invite some neighbors and when I get bored with the convention I can just switch the TV off.


Neurotic Man

Neurotic Man

About pulpdiddy

I’ve published an E-book (Neurotic Man), a hard copy book, (Dworb), produced movies (Woman of the Port and Liberty and Bash), and worked as a writer for Demand Media writing those ehow tidbits you’ve most undoubtedly seen. For many years I wrote business and marketing plans for service, retail and manufacturing businesses. Along the way I’ve also prepared tax returns, taught accounting, been a business start-up consultant, licensed arbiter, federal analyst, busboy, waiter, safety clerk, lighting salesman, restaurant manager, parking lot attendant, construction foreman, and cook.

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