Neurotic Man Has a Colonoscopy

All my life this Neurotic Man has been told he’s an asshole.  Well, decades later the Universe has decided to take all that assholishness serious and have some of my plumbing checked out.  I can’t decide who needed the few extra bucks which is the way I believe most medical decisions occur – a doctor or the plan administrators.  Such decisions are certainly not formulated on the health of the patient.  Anyway, this decision, which either came from my general practitioner or my insurance company, left me with a dilemma.  It should not surprise you that this Neurotic Man is terrified of hospitals or any other surgical unit.  This fear is compounded by the article I just read about doctor errors.  This was the headline:

Study: Medical Errors Are Third Leading Cause of Death

“The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine study reveals what the medical profession has long realized: deaths by medical mistakes are way under reported.”


“A lot of times when these errors do occur there aren’t systems in places for these hospitals and health systems to counteract them or to bring them to public light,” said Dr. Sharad Sahu.”


“Dr. Sahu — chief of internal medicine at HackensackUMC — says he’s not surprised at the study’s results. Hopkins researchers say medical errors have been unintentionally excluded from national health statistics based on a nearly 70-year-old method of classifying deaths. So, they examined studies and crunched the numbers. They measured their findings against the leading causes of death in the U.S. and concluded medical errors — at 251,000 in 2013 — actually are the third leading cause of death, surpassing respiratory diseases.”


“Study author Dr. Martin Makary said, “We were surprised by the scale.”


Well la di da the author was surprised.  What does this do for my asshole which was on the firing line?


Neurotic Man

Neurotic Man

I contemplated refusing the request for a colonoscopy.  But what would that do to my insurance?  And better yet, what would that do to my asshole?  After all, I might be in the early stages of cancer.  And that probably would mess up my morning constitution, one of the highlights of my day.


So I had to drink some horrible stuff and then pooped a whole lot.  Call it perverse but I kind of enjoyed this.  When it was time Rodney drove me to the surgical center (you can’t drive yourself) and dropped me off.  Either he or Ponce would pick me up when it was time to go home.  I went in to the surgical center and wouldn’t you know it, the doctor was later.  You know how much this Neurotic Man hates tardiness.  I have been known to arrive two hours early to an appointment not to be late.  But I guess being pissed off at the doctor helped control my worry.  As I waited I spent much of the time admiring myself in the surgical gown.

Neurotic Man

Neurotic Man

Eventually I met the whole surgical team – it was like a Thanksgiving Party with strangers!  They did the dirty deed including gassing me up.  This Neurotic Man lived in San Francisco during the Summer of Love and this was the first he, I mean I got looped.  This was all for the best because it took my mind off of what they had done to me when I was asleep.  Well, I’m still here so I guessed it worked.  I was more positive when the doctor told me didn’t find anything.  It was my imagination I’m sure but it seemed liked he wanted to find a polyp or two.  Well, I’m glad to report this asshole is peachy keen!

Neurotic Man

Neurotic Man

About pulpdiddy

I’ve published an E-book (Neurotic Man), a hard copy book, (Dworb), produced movies (Woman of the Port and Liberty and Bash), and worked as a writer for Demand Media writing those ehow tidbits you’ve most undoubtedly seen. For many years I wrote business and marketing plans for service, retail and manufacturing businesses. Along the way I’ve also prepared tax returns, taught accounting, been a business start-up consultant, licensed arbiter, federal analyst, busboy, waiter, safety clerk, lighting salesman, restaurant manager, parking lot attendant, construction foreman, and cook.

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