Neurotic Man Wants Infinite Fries

I read about a McDonald’s that will be offering infinite fries.  I want infinite fries!  It’s not fair; in fact it’s a discrimination of a sort against all neurotic people complicated by a persecution complex not to offer us infinite fries.  I wonder if you have to order anything to get the infinite fries?

Infinite Fries

Infinite Fries

The problem is that I loathe McDonald’s.  It’s a place loaded with the people.  I’ve got other things to do than spend my eating time with the people.  The problem with the people is that they scare the shit out of me. Fortunately for a fast food eatery McDonald’s generally have fairly clean bathrooms.  I have a job that requires me to be on the road lots and I’ve become something of an expert on public restrooms.  What is a public restroom anyway?  Does that mean a toilet is shared with lots of strangers?  But a restroom is public at say a Greyhound station or along the freeway – anyone can go – no matter how creepy the whole idea sounds, but what at a fast food eatery where you are supposed to be a customer?  At a fast food bathroom you are supposed to b e customer, infinite fries or not.  That reminds me – I hate the bathrooms at Carl’s Jr., they need serious remodeling.

Infinite Fries

Infinite Fries

Who comes up with the strange names anyway?  Restroom – like anyone is really going into that room to rest – or takes a bath.  The room should have a bit clearer name, like The Voidery.  Though that sounds like a Goth bar though I am a bit shaky what Goth is and I do a pretty good job of staying out of bars.

Infinite Fries.  The Jungle, a Gothic Club in Testaccio. It has an underground bar and dance floor. Riccardo, a muscian.

Infinite Fries. The Jungle, a Gothic Club in Testaccio. It has an underground bar and dance floor.
Riccardo, a muscian.

Anyway, back to the infinite fries.  The other problem is I don’t like the fries at McDonald’s, infinite or not.  Now if McDonald’s served Five Guys fries I’d be first in line (if I stood in lines).  The deal is like in life which has infinite possibilities; there are infinite possibilities of infinite fries.  Of course unless I am confused what infinite means*.


“McDonald’s is opening a restaurant in Missouri that’s unlike any other McDonald’s in the country. The new 6,500-square-foot location in St. Joseph will offer all-you-can-eat french fries, customizable desserts, sandwiches, and burgers, as well as table service,” The St. Joseph News-Press reports.”


“On top of all the design-based bells and whistles, there will be an almost unlimited number of options for customizing food orders. “There really are hundreds of different choices to build the burger of your dreams,” Chris Habiger, the franchisee who is building the restaurant, told the News-Press. “Once you’ve placed your order, you can find your seat because we’ll bring it out to you.”


Table service at McDonald’s?  How la deed a.  The idea has been thought through by the bigwigs (how surprising) who I’m sure haven’t thought this out.  It’s one thing to order a hamburger from a high school dropout, mommy helping the fam, an acne scarred youth, or a lifeless eyed adult; it’s a whole other thing to give that same order to someone with a pad and pencil or a mobile computing device.  Others at surrounding tables will hear your order while the standard ordering line at McDonald’s while in the midst of the public calls for minimal contact with the public.  They order, they pay, they wait a moment or two and they are gone, like a cheap magic trick.  Voila!

Infinite Fries

Infinite Fries

*”1. Having no boundaries or limits; impossible to measure or calculate. See Synonyms at incalculable.

  1. Immeasurablygreat or large;boundless:infinitepatience; a discovery of infiniteimportance.
  2. Mathematics
  3. Existingbeyond or beinggreaterthananyarbitrarilylargevalue.
  4. Unlimited in spatialextent:a line of infinitelength.
  5. Of or relating to a setcapable of beingputintoone-to-onecorrespondencewith a propersubset of itself.”


Huh?  What does this have to do with fries?


About pulpdiddy

I've published an E-book (Neurotic Man), a hard copy book, (Dworb), produced movies (Woman of the Port and Liberty and Bash), and worked as a writer for Demand Media writing those ehow tidbits you've most undoubtedly seen. For many years I wrote business and marketing plans for service, retail and manufacturing businesses. Along the way I've also prepared tax returns, taught accounting, been a business start-up consultant, licensed arbiter, federal analyst, busboy, waiter, safety clerk, lighting salesman, restaurant manager, parking lot attendant, construction foreman, and cook.
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